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The list isn't in order, but these are just a few things that I love to do when I'm feeling really down, blue, depressed, blahhh...ect. I think it's great to get in happy mode because life is too short to be feeling this way and the release of stress and nasty chemicals in your brain can also help in weight loss :))

1. Movie Time!! - When I'm just feeling very blahhhh which I think I feel way more than sad or depressed..I love curling up and watching my favorite disney movie. Not just any disney movie though...a really REALLY good disney movie. Like Mulan!!! Something that is motivational and has a really happy ending.. and of course it wouldn't be complete without your favorite comfort food!! (Mine is my mother's spaghetti <3)

2. Family Reunion!!! - Okay, maybe not literally, but definitely spending a couple of hours with the parents helps for sure. Some people are not as fortunate to spend time with their family so if not, then your best friends or your lover will do just fine ;) I love spending time with my mom or dad and just sitting down for a good talk when I need some inspiration, or just even some words of advice!

3. Cuddles - I don't think there's anyone on this planet that comforts me more when I'm at my saddest than my cat Instine. When someone I loved very much died in my family he was one of the first people I turned to, and I just couldn't wait to get home, and cuddle him, and listen to him purr on my chest. Animals really do listen, and your pet grows to love you. They know when you're sad, and their way better at listening than trying to make you happy when you're just not ready.

4. Exercise - I hate/love exercise. I guess it really just depends on where I go.. I love hiking, and I love riding tread mills. Especially when I go to the gym with my husband or friends, because they give me the motivation to do better. So when I walk out of the gym, and I'm hot, red, and sweaty; I look in the mirror and think about how much skinnier I'm going to look when I wake up in the morning. Plus exercise helps you sleep at night a lot better. <3

5. Give thanks - For me, I think it's super important to have a relationship with God. Sometimes when I'm in my car and I'm cruising down the road, or I'm in church I like to sit and think about all the wonderful things God has given me in my life, because for me it's a reflection about how much he really loves me, and I don't mean just the big things like having a good husband, a "perfect" child, and a wonderful family home. I like to thank God for the things I take for granted like the air I breathe, my vision to see all the beautiful things he has made, my hearing to listen to nature and all the different things around me, my healthy legs to walk, run, jump, my mouth so I can speak, sing, laugh's really nice, and a lot of things that I take for granted..there's a lot of people that don't have those things.

6. shop til you drop - I LOVE shopping. I think this is probably one of my very guilty pleasures because unlike most people I take shopping to a whole other level. I know this might not be a healthy thing to cheer me up, but it DEFINITELY makes me happy. I shop anywhere I think I can find a bargain or that I thing they have a lot of stuff, I would shop until I had zero money left if it weren't for my husband to keep me in check lol.

7. go exploring - I don't think there is anything that cures being depressed more than hiking. Hiking, caving, exploring taverns, and lakes is definitely the best remedy ;) There's nothing like being out in nature and listening to the birds, the squirrels, and crickets while walking through a sunny meadow and breathing in that fresh forest air. It gives you a different view and helps you not to concentrate on something that's not going right in your life.

8. music time! - Music is probably the best thing for me to listen to when I'm angry. I just blast some feel good music, even if it's old 90's beats and I crank it up as loud as I can and just sing my heart out. I don't care whose watching me in my car, I just blast it and have a good time.

9. comedians - I don't really mean literally because strangely enough comedians don't really laugh. I think they say clever things all the time but that's about it. The best person to make me laugh is my best friend Arturo. When I just need to call someone and have a good laugh he's always there for that. So whoever makes you laugh the most. Go to them and just have some fun laughing! :)

10. youtube - watching videos on youtube (depending on your mood) has always been one of my favorite ways to go from feelings bad to feeling better. There are so many different things out there to watch and it's fun and awesome.

Anyhoo this is just what I do when I'm feeling down. When I'm feeling at my highest moment blahhh - I shop. When I'm feeling at my highest moment sad - I cuddle, when I feel at my highest moment depressed - I go hiking/swimming, when I'm feeling at my highest moment angry (sometimes) I blast upbeat music. I hope this helps you! :D
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I used to have this one friend back in high school, and she was one of the very first friends I ever really made. Before that I used to go to private school, and I didn't really have any friends at all in private school. I miss her so much. We used to do everything together. For years she would come to my house, and we would sit up, watch movies with the lights out and talk about who we thought was hot, we would share our most deepest secrets with each other, we would go out with my mom to get pizza, go to white water, ect it was so much fun...Then one day she got a boyfriend and he didn't like me. In the end of everything we hardly talk to each other at all anymore. I've tried, but I don't think she really needs me anymore, when before hand we were pretty much inseparable. I think about her all the time, and how she was really a sister to me that I never ever had. I appreciate her friendship so much, but I'm afraid to let her know that. Every time I call her she's too busy, or she wants to go do something else. I know I should probably let go, everyone tells me that, but in a way it's like losing my only sister. It's so hard because I love her so much. I would still do anything for her if she needed me. I just wish she knew that. It's a miracle we even talk to each other once a year, and it's been FOREVER since I've even seen her face to face. Crazy how something once so strong has been what seems diminished. No matter what I will never give up on our friendship. She will just have to tell me first, because sometimes friendships can grow deeper (I'm not talking about in a sexual way) It's just hard, it's like losing my only sister that I ever had, and I'm simply not ready to give that up. <3
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Okay, so me and my husband decided that we are going to move out of our apartment and back into my parents house. We just had a baby 3 months ago, and now realize it is soo expensive trying to live for three people, these are some reasons for why we are moving back in.
1. Better for the baby - My parents spend so much time with our daughter, she sleeps in their room, they watch her a lot during the day, and this is easier on all of us because my parents before hand were always like every grandparent: we don't see her enough, when are you going to bring her over ect..and they help out so much by buying her formula, diapers, and other essentials. Don't get me wrong, me and my husband of course are going to buy her essentials too, it's not all gonna be just my parents bc after all she is our daughter lol. I really like spending time with my daughter, and my family as a whole, and this way makes it so much easier.
2. The cost of living in our apartment is around $700 dollars. That's not including groceries, utilities, baby costs, ect.. where-as we can move in with my parents, pay them $500.00 a month and they cover EVERYTHING. This gives me and my husband more money to go back to school, get money saved back for important things, or if an emergency comes up ect..
but when I do move back in there are so many things that I want to do for my parents..not all parents in America are willing to let their children live with them for as long as they want, and be willing to help take care of their kids all the time. This is what I would like to do in turn for my family.
1. start helping a LOT more with choirs. I really have no excuse for mom is ALWAYS doing the dishes, doing laundry, taking care of the house, it's time that I started helping her out, and stop leaving the house the first thing I wake up in the day!
2. I need to spend more time with my daughter. I know I already spend a lot of time with her, but I'm worried that if I don't spend more time with her than my parents she's not going to know which one is her real mom. So I need to spend as much time with my daughter AS POSSIBLE. When we get our bed moved back in I'm also going to start putting her in our room, so I can take care of her at nights.
3. Buy more baby stuff - My parents go to walmart on a daily basis, so it's almost impossible for me to ever go out and buy my baby formula and diapers, because they've already done it. When I try to give them money by paying them back they won't accept it. So I just gotta get up before they do and start paying for my baby stuff.
4. Buy more things for my parents. I feel terrible because I haven't bought my dad something in so long that I can't even remember. The same for my mom. It was father's day and I couldn't even buy my dad a simple card because I was flat out broke! This year I plan on buying my dad a laptop, and get my mom a really nice shopping card for the whole year.

Hopefully I can make all these things happen, it would make me a lot happier if I could get this stuff done. There are a lot of things I wanna do this year involving moving.

1. I want to remodel our bedroom. It's mostly just wood and ply-board. I want to paint the walls, the ceiling, and put some tile on the floor.
2. I want to buy more furniture pieces. I really want to get a dresser that me and Raymond can both put our stuff in, I want to buy a desk, for homework, and other school stuff, I want to buy a mini refrigerator so Raymond will stop taking my dads food that my mom buys just for him!!

I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish this's just getting around and getting them done..
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Okay, so I've decided to start dieting. I do want to look good, and I want to look better in clothes but I mostly want to do it because I want to be healthy! I started about a week ago and so far I've lost 4 pounds! I have to say though I've only been to the gym once and I've not been eating very healthy although I will say I have had my limitations: work out as much as possible, try to eat only 2 solid meals a day, stop drinking soda, and STAY POSITIVE! I heard from a lot of different sorts that negativity really does effect your body in a bad way, so I've been striving to stay positive about everything! Anytime I feel sad, or in the dumps I immediately pull myself out of that state and say "HEY LIFE IS GREAT!" and I start thinking about all the wonderful things in my life, and how happy I am, and how happy I am with myself. When I do this I feel so much better, and believe it or not my body actually starts feeling better!! I think this is the TRUE key to losing weight. Everything else is just a plus :p
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1. Special K Berries and Yogurt Cereal - I love this cereal because it taste so freakin' good! I was worried about gaining baby weight after having my daughter back in March of this year so right after I had her I immediately started dieting. This cereal is fantastic if you're craving something sweet and you're really hungry. It completely got rid of my hunger and it's only 160 calories with milk.

2. Dove White Soap - I love this soap. I love it so much I craved it during my pregnancy. This soap smells so good, and it makes me feel so clean! Every time I lather myself in it I feel like I'm completely cleansing my skin of all the dirt and grime and it's also been scientifically proven that it works, but it's not chemically harsh on your skin. Compared to other soaps it is very gentle. Instead of breaking your skin cells up and drying it out, it actually puts more moisture back in your pores. The best part is it's only $1.97 for three bars at Wal-Mart!

3. My Bathing Suit - I know this is kind of silly because I don't really know what brand it is, much less even remember how much it costs but I got my bathing suit from Wal-Mart and I love it! It's a deep peach color (pastel springy color) and it has ripples that go across the stomach to make it look more flattering when you put it on. The best part I like about it is, I have a really big problem with most bathing suits because I am very big chested and most bathing suits make me sag big time! This suit has a really cute vintage ribbon that ties around the back of the neck and keeps me held up and I don't have to worry about pulling my chest up every 5 seconds.

4. Coochy Cream - This stuff is one of my absolute favorites of this year. The stuff is amazing. It is made specifically for women who like to shave down under. I've reviewed the product and tried it myself, I can guarantee you, it will not cause chaffing, you won't be left with ingrown hairs, no pain, no itch. It's wonderful! The best way I can really explain it is it works like a lotion. You rub the lotion in and then shave. You don't have to rinse, just rub the lotion in after all the hair is gone, and it comes in a bunch of different fragrances for all skin types, and it's very refreshing. I love this stuff.

5. Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure - This is the only nail polish I have found yet that I can guarantee your nail polish will not chip. It's a little big more pricier than other nail polishes you find it your local superstore, but really it's worth it because you don't have to scrub it off and redo them all over again because the polish chipped. Another thing is it strengthens your nails and the polish is not only the coater but it's the primer as well, so you're also saving nail polish by only applying one coat per nail and not having to worry about going back over it. Really good nail polish.

6. My Fitness Pal - This is one of my favorite phone apps as well as one of my favorite healthy sites. I like it because not only does it help you keep track of the calories you've had, it also helps keep you in track of your daily weight and whether your losing or gaining. I like how after I finish my food log it tells me how many weeks or months it would be if every day were like the day I ate. Whether it be 160 lbs in 3 weeks or 160 lbs in 5 weeks :)

7. Wen Shampoo - I'm going to start by saying this product is a little over rated. It's not the most amazing hair product in the market as they say, but it's pretty good. I had a big problem with it in the beginning because it doesn't lather, but I soon got over that. It's really more of a conditioner than it is a shampoo, and you're still supposed to shampoo with your normal hair shampoo, it's just suppose to reduce the usage of normal shampoo. So basically you use your normal shampoo maybe once a week? I do like this stuff though because it makes my hair feel really clean, and I like that it's bouncy after it dries. It leaves your hair feeling really silky and soft even after you dye the shit out of it, use a bunch of hot irons, and hairspray (I know this because I did it). So if you want to give your hair a break and help it repair itself this is the way to go.

8. Neutrogena Tan Spray - First off, I am not a big fan of tanning. I think white skin is beautiful and if you do have white skin, you should be flaunting it, and not trying to cover it up with fake chemicals HOWEVER if you are having those rare blue moons where you want to have a fading tint, (for some reason I sometimes like doing this on a rainy day) then this is a good product to use. It doesn't go on dark, it starts off really light, and gives you a really subtle "skin kissed" effect. It also reduces the appearance of cellulite and makes you look thinner than you might actually be. I've never had a streaking problem with this stuff, and it doesn't smell nasty!! :p

9. Big Sexy Hair - I recently just cut my bangs, and I'll be the first to say I HATE when my bangs split around my face. When I have bangs I like them to be straight all the way across with no openings to show any forehead skin. I know that is completely stupid and it doesn't matter at all, but it's one of my biggest pet peeves because I have strange OCD's sometimes. If you have my problem, or you just want a hair spray product to really keep your hair in place this stuff works. You're hair is not gonna move no matter how hard the wind blows it!

10. Propel Kiwi and Strawberry Water - I hate water. I think it's one of the most nastiest taste in the world, because I completely live on soda. The problem with soda is, it has no good nutrients for your body, and it's basically nothing more than an unnatural toxin in your body. I really have been wanting to detox lately and in order to do that I gotta lay off the pop. I recently came across the stuff, and I absolutely love it. It taste like Kool-Aid, it's sweet, has 0 calories, and the best part for me is I could drink it all day and I'm cleaning my body out! :D

Okay, well, that's all of it! :) I hope you guys liked my random list!
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Everyone has dreams and ideas and philosophies. I think it's good to be a dreamer, and if you are, then that means that you have faith in things, even when others might not. WELL :) I believe in mermaids, and it's not because I have any physical proof, or any real scientific ideas to back me up on that. I just believe mermaids are real because I choose to :p They are my favorite creature (as far as "mythology" goes) Of course, you got your vampires, werewolves, sea monsters, genies, aliens (which are real too), and all the other different ones out there, but mermaids are special :D I think mermaids are the scariest of all these creatures. Of course, I'm not talking about your typical Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" I'm talking about REAL mermaids. The ones that sit on ocean boulders waiting for captains, and fishermen to sail by as they sing their song so beautiful, magical, and powerful, that it causes them to fall in love with them. And just when they think it's safe to pull them on the boat and they lure them in, they forcefully plunge them down to the depths of the sea, and feast on their helpless bodies >:D lol ok....but no really, I really like mermaids. I think they're awesome, and they are by far the scariest thing in the watch out if you ever decide to go for a midnight swim o,o
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We met in the East, poured in like the flood. You're the whispering kind in dark sapphire blood. A vision of veils all shimmery white, like the backdrop of sails all aglow from the light. Of the wonder behind, on a starry night.

In the mountain's song, in the blue jay's call. My heartbeat flows in crystal waterfalls. You're so beautiful in your elegant bed. You had my blues for your Nantucket reds. I'd wait in the dark balanced on a thread. So I wait in the dark balanced on this thread.

And under the church light, you're standing there with your wicked blood and your curls. Yeah under the church light, you're standing there with your fur and your pearls. These lines were here, long before you came around. Yeah, these lines were here, and there's an ember in the rafters and it's going to burn this whole thing down.

In the neon mist, I heard you breath. The most exquisite sounds of secret symphony. Your silken skin, my fingers rough. In the midnight dim, we went home and touched. Beneath the chandeliers in your Persian's dust. Beneath the chandeliers in your Persian's dust.

And under the church light, you're standing there with your wicked blood and your curls. Yeah, under the church light, you're standing there in your fur, and your pearls. These lines were here, long before we came around. Yeah these lines were here. And there's an ember in the rafters

(an ember in the rafters)

there's an ember in the rafters, and it's going to burn this whole thing down.
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Okay so me and my husband have been trying to go to the Havana Tropical Grill for a while, and we just always seem to lose track of time or we forget the day (so annoying) but ever since our really good friends have told us about that place we love going there when it's open night for poetry ect..I've never really stood in front of people or really even let anyone read my poetry, but I think next time I go, and sign up I'm going to give it a try. Here's a poem I wrote that I'm thinking about reading :)

Stuck in a figment of time,
You were always meant to be mine.
You were once so lost;
So beautifully lost,
In the hour of our love.

Glass stained shards of the sun,
Dancing across our hearts.
Like the atmosphere giving birth to the air
It was clean, we were clean;
And it was a marvel to be seen.

Your love thundered the sound of rain so sweet,
It still beats down on my heart like a crimson waterfall.
You saw it all, and when I took for granted.
Never again will our love be enchanted.
But the rhythm still sounds,
In the dark of the mounts.

Glass stained shards of the sun,
Dancing across our hearts.
Like the atmosphere giving birth to the air,
It was clean, we were clean;
And it was a marvel to be seen.

Like the tiger that disappears behind the magicians cage.
With what feelings my soul slowly aged.
What I wouldn't do, damn what I wouldn't do.
So now I crave the magic spectacle lost long ago.
Like the captain of the ship,
I sank with you in the ocean bed far below.
Now all that's left
now all that's left

glass stained shards of the sun,
Dancing across our hearts,
Like the atmosphere giving birth to the air,
It was clean, we were clean;
And it was a marvel to be seen
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I hate how society works. Everybody expects you to be, and do everything according to morbid normality's that go beyond being stupid. I feel like morality today is so twisted, and being an honest, true person in today's world is so misconstrued. It's like if you're not "politically correct" you're considered and asshole type of thing.

Well anyway today me and my husband were asked by our friends for dinner. It sounded like a lot of fun so we went. We met up with them, and a couple of their other friends (who I knew from my previous work place). It didn't start off very well, everyone decided they wanted to get wasted, which I guess isn't a big deal, because it was a pub after all, but what really annoyed me was the constant yelling all over the room. Random people blurting their "fuck you's" to other random people. Some random drunk guy in the background punching a lotto machine dubbing it as a piece of shit, it was just ridiculous. Of course, this is normally what pubs are, and this is normally how most people act in pubs I suppose. But I just can't wrap my mind around why people would find this kind of behavior "cool". Why is it cool to bitch out a random stranger for no apparent reason to kick their ass? Why is it cool to make it as obvious as possible that you're checking out some other chicks boobs? What if she's not into men, or what if she's married or has children? To me it just seems almost degrading that it's okay to call a stranger "babe" and tell her you want her digits, when she didn't even offer them to you.

Don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong in asking a girl if you can have her number but to hear another guy yelling across the room, making sure all of his friends could hear it, "Hey baby, give me your digits!" It's repulsive.

And apparently being repulsive is contagious, around that time one of the guys at my table stands up and points at me and asks, "Are you pregnant again? Because you look pregnant."

Okay, sorry but you just made yourself look like a total asshole, which is exactly what you are. I had so many vulgarities, I wanted to spit at him that I didn't know where to start, and decided he wasn't worth my energy so I just ended up saying, "Check please?"

Women, as I have said before are beautiful in all shapes in sizes. Whether they be a size 3 or a size 24 it doesn't matter. A lot of times I feel like I should have just been born in a different era.

Once upon a time, there were gentlemen who considered plus size women beautiful, and called them curvy and voluptuous. Not "whale" or "fat girl" They used to open doors, and always made sure that the lady was attended to first, whether they were even dating or not. Today you can't even give a girl a sincere complement without coming off as "flirty" or "creepy". A guy can't just tell a girl, that her earrings are pretty or whatever, because then his friends will joke and call him a fag or something obnoxiously immature to that.

If you feel sorry for someone or show any sign of empathy it's considered being weak like everyone has to live by the philosophy survival of the fittest and if you're not what society expects you to be, then you're not of worth. Maybe this is why I've been so reclusive lately. After having my baby, I've thought more in depth about our society, and the way the world works, it's just sickening to me. I hate to think this is what my daughter has to look forward to. It makes me sad to think I'm going to have to teach her that people in the world are cruel, and hateful, and she's gotta learn to bite back, even at an early age.

I'm tired of watching by-standers when someone is in need. I've decided the next time I see someone that needs help, even if it's as simple as helping them open a door, I want to be there.

Anyways I know I didn't really stay on topic, and I'm just kinda everywhere with this right now..not really the way I wanted to start my blog off but, this is what's been on my mind!


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